I have thought this about myself before, but I genuinely believe it now: I have a stupid irrational fear of being successful. I have no idea why. Maybe it's because I have not been 'successful' thus far and don't know what it would be like? Is that is? I am terrified of this unknown future? Is that why I keep sabatoging myself? I have no fucking clue. Well maybe a tiny, miniscule clue. That's not much to go on though. I know that I don't like commitment to things. Or people. The only exception to that being my human that I live with currently. Beyond that... I don't know. It is so confusing in my head. Who am I? What do I want to do with my life? What do I want to achieve? Fuck. I have no idea most of the time. I think that I need to figure out some things about who I am. Yeah I think that I will do that.