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Well the date is 4-13-14 and everything is pretty much unknown. I am about to harass the husband to be so that we can put together a guest list. I think that I am going to end up just making it the bare minimum people. I don't want to worry about nonsense on my wedding day. I started taking vitamins again and even bought a 5 pound weight to start sculpting my arms. It will be a slow process, but I don't want to injure my arm in the process.
Anyways, I have discovered makeup all over again. This time however, I know what I am doing. I have watched many youtube videos and have seen lots of people wearing it in my lifetime so I know what I am going for. All I really needed was some foundation and the right eye makeup. I need a better webcam so that I can make a video. I think that I will end up buying a good quality cam so that I can do videos too. Not for any particular reason other than fun. If people actually like them, even better.
Back to the wedding talk. I also bought more feminine hygiene products to make my skin and teeth look better. I am really trying to go for a healthy look. That is all that I really want. I am not overweight or have super bad skin, but I have some things that bother me and I don't want those things on my mind when I am walking down the aisle.
So for now all I have is some wedding books and ideas in my head for things that I want to do. It would be awesome if the venue was an art gallery of sorts or even a museum. My fiance and I had our first date at the modern art museum and I would love it if our wedding was there. I don't know if we can afford that though. Oh and it is also where he gave me my ring back after it was re-sized. He really didn't have to do anything special, but he did anyways because he is that awesome. I love him so much and I really don't think that anyone else will be able or willing to tolerate me for the next almost 13 months.
Anyways, I have discovered makeup all over again. This time however, I know what I am doing. I have watched many youtube videos and have seen lots of people wearing it in my lifetime so I know what I am going for. All I really needed was some foundation and the right eye makeup. I need a better webcam so that I can make a video. I think that I will end up buying a good quality cam so that I can do videos too. Not for any particular reason other than fun. If people actually like them, even better.
Back to the wedding talk. I also bought more feminine hygiene products to make my skin and teeth look better. I am really trying to go for a healthy look. That is all that I really want. I am not overweight or have super bad skin, but I have some things that bother me and I don't want those things on my mind when I am walking down the aisle.
So for now all I have is some wedding books and ideas in my head for things that I want to do. It would be awesome if the venue was an art gallery of sorts or even a museum. My fiance and I had our first date at the modern art museum and I would love it if our wedding was there. I don't know if we can afford that though. Oh and it is also where he gave me my ring back after it was re-sized. He really didn't have to do anything special, but he did anyways because he is that awesome. I love him so much and I really don't think that anyone else will be able or willing to tolerate me for the next almost 13 months.
Frustrated
I have thought this about myself before, but I genuinely believe it now: I have a stupid irrational fear of being successful. I have no idea why. Maybe it's because I have not been 'successful' thus far and don't know what it would be like? Is that is? I am terrified of this unknown future? Is that why I keep sabatoging myself? I have no fucking clue. Well maybe a tiny, miniscule clue. That's not much to go on though. I know that I don't like commitment to things. Or people. The only exception to that being my human that I live with currently. Beyond that... I don't know. It is so confusing in my head. Who am I? What do I want to do with my l
money stuff
So it would be $320 to cancel my contract with Sprint in January. Aio is $25 activation fee and I would use their free phone for a while until I wanted to upgrade again to a Samsung galaxy. The bill is $55/month after taxes and fees. My current bill is $100 for my phone so that will save me $45/month once I switch over. It will take a little over 7 months to earn back that money in savings. After that it would have been another 9 months on my contract with Sprint which is another $405 in savings. I could put part of that into a better phone and the rest in my gas tank!
January: $80 for Aio and $320 for Sprint
Oh and if I trade in my ps3 soo
more than a little
I feel more than an a little lost. I have no real idea what to do. I guess this is my first experience being depressed. Since I first got here, everything was already put into place and I guess I just feel like I have no control over anything. Like I am in a lease with my apartment, contract with my phone and can't leave my job until I find something else that can pay just as well to pay for all the debts thrown in my lap. Once, I get those taken care of things will get better, but until then... Everything just kinda sucks and none of it was MY choice. It was all DeSiree. Sometimes it is hard to tell what is her and what is me. I pretend to b
Just ramblings
I really just need to talk things out sometimes and I know it can be difficult for others to keep up. I don't think in any sort of pattern right now and sometimes everything is just all jumbled up. Starting tomorrow I am going to actually start living my own life and not pretending to be DeSiree anymore. At work I'll go by her name still, but the actions will all be mine. I am not a timid little girl. I am far stronger than she ever was and I want to show people that change. I will no longer just cower when yelled at for something that I had no hand in, but stand up for myself and make sure that justice is served in the end. Undeserving peopl
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Comments2
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Congratulations to you and your future husband for deciding to get married! I hope everything goes well for you both in terms of planning, and on the actual day and onwards!
I love a good wedding personally, they are times where every person present just forgets about all of the bad things going on, and focus instead on just being happy for the day of the event. I've lost count of how many speeches I've given at weddings, I think it's a secret skill of mine!
I love a good wedding personally, they are times where every person present just forgets about all of the bad things going on, and focus instead on just being happy for the day of the event. I've lost count of how many speeches I've given at weddings, I think it's a secret skill of mine!